


Dance Fucker Dance

by AnnInymouse



Category: RedLetterMedia RPF
Genre: Idiots in Love, Insecurity, Jealousy, Lapdance, M/M, Strip Tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:01:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23225986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnInymouse/pseuds/AnnInymouse
Summary: After finding out Jay went to a strip club, Mike makes him show off all the new moves he learned.
Relationships: Mike/Jay
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Dance Fucker Dance

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be a scene in a larger fic I'm writing. It didn't quite fit, but I still liked the idea, so I decided to make it its own thing. This is about the Half in the Baaaag characters and the VCR shop world only.

Last night had been a mistake.

Jay’s mouth still tasted like dirt, despite spending all morning drinking water and brushing his teeth. His stomach was still too sour for food. He’d had four saltine crackers for breakfast before his stomach had pitched uncomfortably and he threw the entire sleeve into a drawer, as if getting it out of his sight would make his stomach stop aching. Now he was sitting next to Mike, three hours into their shift, grunting along with whatever Mike was saying and praying that the question of what he had done last night didn’t come up.

“The fuck is wrong with you,” Mike asked when Jay had just said “yeah” to a longwinded speech Mike had prattled off about some new Star Trek show that was streaming somewhere and how the special effects couldn’t make up for the fact that it lacked the heart of the originals, or whatever.

“Why do you think something’s wrong,” Jay grumbled, wincing both at how much it hurt to talk and how unconvincing he sounded.

“You can barely keep your goddamn head up. And you’re letting me talk about Star Trek without being a smartass.” Mike narrowed his eyes, giving Jay the pissed off, exacting look he reserved for whenever he was about to uncover something about Jay he was annoyed about. It was a look Jay had gotten a lot when he really started getting in shape.

“You’re hungover, aren’t you, you fuck.”

“The fuck do you care,” Jay snapped back, and groaned. He took a giant sip of water from his mug. He wasn’t in the mood for Mike to start dissecting why he was so hungover, or what he’d been getting up to in his nights the past few weeks. Mike always got extra mean to him when he found out Jay had been hooking up with someone else and going out without him. Last night’s episode would definitely send him over the edge, and Jay wasn’t sure he could handle the revenge Mike would enact in response.

“The reason I fucking care, _Jay_ , is because you’ve been too high and mighty to drink with me for the past year, yet you seem to have no problem getting wasted if I’m not involved.”

Jay moaned and shoved his palms deep into his eyes. This was bad. Mike was already pouting and he had no idea why Jay was in as fragile a state as he was.

“I wasn’t drinking with anyone. I just stayed home watching movies and trying to make new cocktails last night but I made them too strong and hadn’t eaten much so it hit me hard. That’s all.”

Jay ducked his head to hide his wince. It was a terrible lie, but if he was lucky Mike would be desperate enough to believe it. When he dared to take a peak at Mike he was still giving him an exacting glare, but otherwise seemed sated. Jay sighed and took another huge gulp of water.

“Fine,” Mike huffed after a solid minute of silence. “But I’m still coming over tonight. And you’d better unfuck yourself by the time I do, because I’m not drinking alone.”

Jay mashed his lips together and stared straight ahead. The last thing he wanted to do tonight was drink, especially in Mike’s presence, who was absolutely going to push him into sloppy territory, but it was less stressful than the prospect of turning him down and dealing with his pouting, so he said nothing.

The rest of his shift passed in this miserable fashion. Mike took full advantage of Jay feeling too shitty to argue, going on about Star Trek and how incredible Jurassic World was and isn’t ghost hunting just such a fascinating concept, maybe they should try it sometime. The only good part of the day was when Mike left for lunch. Jay had taken the opportunity to lie on the disgusting couch they had in the back and get some semblance of rest. He’d dozed off and woken up to Mike plopping a grocery bag on his chest. Inside was a box of saltine crackers, a bottle of ginger ale, Tums, and the Boss sandwich from Pick ’N Save. Mike was sheepish, quietly leaving the room after Jay woke up and processed what was going on. Jay sighed, sitting up to chew on a Tums and some saltine crackers. For every three instances Mike was a huge asshole, there was one where he would do something sweet and jump on the chance to dote on Jay. Jay disliked this almost as much as Mike’s dickish behavior, because it meant unpacking things that he never wanted opened, ever. The ginger ale and crackers were settling his stomach though. He’d probably be able to enjoy the sandwich in another hour. It was his favorite, but he hadn’t eaten it in over a year as part of his strict workout and diet regimen. Mike knew all this. Asshole.

5:30 eventually came, with Jay practically bolting out the door when it did. Mike would stop by Jay’s place in a few hours rather than go home with him, because he knew Jay well enough to know that Jay needed time to himself to reset before seeing people again. Mike assumed this also applied to him, despite Jay’s secret, buried desire to spend the rest of his life glued directly to Mike’s side. Jay felt pangs of guilt on the drive home. If Mike really wanted to be a torturous asshole, he would’ve demanded to go straight to Jay’s place, but he had once again spared him. Half of the Boss sandwich was sitting next to him on the passenger seat, and he bit his tongue to keep from sliding back into old stress eating habits. He’d make Mike eat it later tonight to remove temptation.

Jay pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex and made his way to his apartment with trepidation, half afraid the guy he was sort of seeing would be waiting at the door to ambush him after Jay had run away from him last night. He felt relieved to see that there was no one there when he got up to the second floor, and bolted the door behind him once he was inside. He debated calling the guy to ask if he’d grabbed Jay’s hoodie after Jay had left it at the club in his mad dash out, but the hoodie was in no way worth dealing with the fallout of last night, even if it was a limited edition Twin Peaks hoodie that Jay cherished and was a dumb ass to wear to such a scummy club.

He groaned and made his way to the bathroom. His stomach had finally calmed down but his head was still pounding. He took two Advil pills and lay down in bed, still in his Lightning Fast shirt, hoping to get a couple hours of sleep before Mike got there.

Sleep never came, his mind too busy torturing him with what he could remember from last night. He shoved his pillow over his head as if it could shield him from these thoughts, but they played on in an excruciating loop in his mind.

About a month ago Jay had met Todd at the regular gay bar he stopped by after work when he wanted to get laid, or at the very least get flirted with. Todd had caught his attention immediately, both because he was tall and lean in a way most Wisconsin men weren’t, and because Jay had never seen him before. Every other patron was someone Jay recognized. He’d hooked up with at least half of them.

Todd had already been looking at him when Jay glanced his way, and had beelined over to him. Jay could tell by the glean in his eyes and the dopiness of his smile that he was on something more than beer, and would later learn that Todd had a poppers affliction. In the moment all he knew was that a cute, strange guy was making his way over to flirt with him.

“How forward is it if I tell you you’re the hottest guy in here who also looks like he won’t say no to a good time?” Todd had shouted at him over the music. He was cradling two beers in his hand and passed the full one to Jay.

“Pretty forward,” Jay had responded, taking a sip of beer and smirking. As the beer slid down his throat he vaguely recalled some warnings from his sister after he’d first come out to her about the dangers of accepting drinks from strange men in dark bars. Whatever. This guy seemed like he had a goofy innocence to him, an assumption that would soon bite Jay in the ass.

“So are you saying there are guys here who are hotter but don’t look as down for a good time?” Jay had no idea where this shit was coming from. He wasn’t nearly drunk enough to reach a comfortable flirting level. Possibly he was being fueled by an argument he’d had with Mike earlier that day, desperate to turn that pent up rage into a fuck with someone who didn’t have his heart locked away where he would never be able to reach it.

“Hmmm,” Todd had said, stroking his nonexistent beard and fake scanning the crowd, causing Jay to laugh too hard, too loud. It had been dorky but kind of endearing. “Nah, you’re just the hottest.” Todd had lifted his beer to cheers this fact, and Jay had clinked it, smiling too wide in the process. He had mostly fixed his overbite, but it was still noticeable if he gave off his Cheshire Cat grin like he had then.

Todd seemed to not notice, or care, because he had sidled up to Jay and talked to him for the rest of the night. Jay had learned that Todd was a PA on a movie production that was shooting in Milwaukee for the next two months, and was looking for fun shit to do on the nights he had off. Jay had also learned that Todd was in his late 20s, almost ten years Jay’s junior. He’d gotten nervous that Todd would think he was too old and suddenly unattractive to want to fuck, also that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with the crazy shit someone not yet in their thirties wanted to get into. His fears for the former were baseless—Todd found his age charming. His fears for the latter were proving to be very true.

In the month since meeting Todd, Jay had found out more about the seedy underbelly to Milwaukee’s gay scene than he had the entire few years he’d been out. He tried poppers for the first time, having always been curious how they would feel since he first saw _Pink Flamingos_ at thirteen, and didn’t entirely hate the brief rush it gave him. Todd had offered harder shit like coke, but Jay always declined. The places they went, from weird S&M clubs tucked in the basement of a building he didn’t know existed to half assed sex parties in some random person’s apartment, required him to get drunk enough that he wasn’t massively uncomfortable, but stay sharp enough that he could lurk from the sidelines, observing, and not get dragged in. He didn’t mind finally being exposed to this life, found it a little thrilling, but still wasn’t ready to dive in himself. Most likely he never would be, which was a fact about himself he wasn’t sure if he held with pride or disappointment. Todd was always more than happy to participate, however, and up until last night Jay had felt obligated to stay until Todd had gotten his fill so they could leave together and fuck out their leftover energy.

Mistake number one was going out so close to the weekend. It was a Thursday night, a Friday workday still ahead for most people, but before that they’d been going out mostly on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, once even a Monday, where everyone still had the rest of their workweek on the horizon to keep them mildly in check. Todd had told Jay he wanted to go to some gay strip club Jay had never heard of. It seemed fine enough. He’d already stood in the corner at a number of orgies and S&M clubs. Just last week he’d spent the majority of his Tuesday night carefully navigating between men in leather masks and chains. Plus he’d been to strip clubs before, though it was years ago and only at ones with female dancers, where even before he’d come out to himself he didn’t feel threatened at the thought of having to flirt with a stripper grinding on him. He really didn’t see any reason to be nervous, and took an Uber over there with Todd around eleven.

His mood about the whole thing dropped right as he walked through the door. The place was scummy, the lights low in a way that didn’t set the mood so much as make it seem like the club was covering up for the fact that the interior design made the place look like a shithole. The floor seemed to be permanently sticky, from lube and god knew what else. The club was stuffy to an almost suffocating degree, and it was uncomfortably small in a way that Jay knew, even before the night really started, that he wouldn’t be able to sit this one out.

They’d sat a few tables back from the stage, and almost as soon as they had men in g-strings were grinding on them, saying they were a hot couple and asking if they wanted a private show in the back.

Jay had declined but insisted Todd get one. Todd accepted without a second thought, being led into the back by a muscled stripper even taller than he was, leaving Jay alone. Despite having little money and seeming visibly uncomfortable, dancers kept getting off the stage when their set was done to dance on him. No matter how many times they cooed that he was hot and they loved the feeling of his strong arms, Jay felt more self conscious than he had in years. He felt like he had been transported back into his old body, with his beer gut and fucked up hair and even more crooked overbite, not knowing what it was like to have advances made on him or how to react should it ever happen. The more men danced on him, the more the same stupid thought he always had whenever he was upset popped into his head: he wished he was with Mike. As the night went on and Todd still hadn’t come back from his private lap dance Jay thought about Mike more and more, how he would have scoffed at how gross the club was and how desperate the dancers were and how Jay didn’t have to put up with this shit, all while draping a protective arm around Jay’s shoulders.

His breaking point came when a dancer that had been grinding on him for over five minutes and earnestly tried to engage him in conversation had made Jay touch him. Jay had tried to slide a few bills into the side of his g-string as slyly as he could in the hopes that getting paid would make the guy go away to someone with deeper pockets.

“Nah, baby, you gotta stuff it in.”

“I—wah?” Jay had had like six beers at that point in the hopes it would calm him down, but he still didn’t feel nearly drunk enough to deal with whatever was happening in front of him. Or on him.

“ _Stuff_ it in baby, like this.” The guy had taken the bills and placed them back in Jay’s hand. Then, placing his large hand over Jay’s tiny one, he put their hands on his chest and slid them down, slowly, down over his stomach, until he was stuffing both their hands deep into the g-string where a wad of bills was already piling up. Jay had felt his face get hotter and was suddenly glad for the shitty lighting. He wasn’t sure if he could feel the guy’s dick and didn’t want to dwell on it, just wanted his hands released so he could go to the bathroom and wash them. The dancer had other ideas, however, and left their hands there while licking over Jay’s face.

“You taste good,” he’d growled into Jay’s ears, and Jay took deep breaths to stop himself from puking, though it would probably get him released at least.

“Ok,” was all he could think to respond with, then in a desperate attempt to stop from feeling so awkward continued with: “It’s, um, my beard, I use…I use this organic product,” which only made his anxiety worse.

The dancer laughed at that and finally, finally, took his hands off Jay’s. Jay snatched his hands back and sat in stunned silence when the dancer said “take care baby” and gave him a commiserating kiss on the cheek. After taking another second to process what had happened Jay bolted from the club, leaving his sweatshirt and Todd behind.

He was worried Todd was pissed at him and how he would react if they ran into each other. Todd had texted him ‘ _wtf did you leave??? _’ at two in the morning, two hours after Jay had left and three hours since he’d left Jay to get his private show. He never answered and hadn’t heard from Todd since. He wasn’t sure what he was so nervous about. Todd enjoyed getting into weird shit but didn’t seem threatening otherwise. Even if he was, he was only in town for another month before production wrapped and Jay never had to worry about running into him again.__

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His heart jumped when he heard his phone ding, but it was only Mike informing him he was on his way over. Jay groaned, rubbing his palms against his eyes hard as if that would make the lingering remains of his hangover disappear in the fifteen minutes it would take Mike to get there.

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Jay got out of bed, swapping his Lightning Fast shirt for his favorite t-shirt. It was just a plain blue tee, but it was soft and fit him just right, showing off his muscles without being skintight. If Mike was going to be pouty tonight, he might as well make him suffer.

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He mindlessly fluffed the pillows on his couch and grabbed a couple beers from the fridge to have at the ready before Mike arrived. Mike would definitely bring his own six pack, not trusting Jay to have alcohol at his apartment after he started working out and eating better. He gnawed on his bottom lip, preparing himself for a night of Mike trying to get him drunk and pry him for information. Like he would give him the satisfaction.

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_You might get something good out of it though _, the awful voice in the back of his head that was tethered to his desires to Mike reminded him. He snarled. It was true that even better than finally getting attention from guys after years of being closeted and unattractive was Mike’s annoyance at this attention, and how he would punish Jay for it.__

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It had started a few years ago, before Jay got in shape and could hook up with anyone he wanted, back when Mike wanted to punish him for being just generally annoying. They had been drinking one night, drunker than usual, and trying to call the other’s bluff. This had resulted in Mike unknowingly taking Jay’s virginity, a fact that Jay intended to take to his grave. After that night, Mike would bend Jay over after work every once in a while when Jay had particularly pissed him off that day. It felt hot and wrong in all the best ways, not happening nearly enough, which only made Jay crave it more. The only thing that made him stop short of begging for it daily was the underlying sense he got that Mike wanted more than just sex, something Jay even in his thirties couldn’t handle, no matter how deep down he had to admit to himself that he was in love with Mike and only wanted him. He was sure it was just a symptom of not being fuckable by anyone else’s standards and settling for the first guy to show interest.

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Then he’d gotten in shape, fixed his hair and his teeth, and wore better clothes, suddenly being very fuckable to a significant pool of people. Mike did a terrible job hiding his seething rage over Jay being able to fuck people who weren’t him, and it didn’t take long for Jay to realize that sex was really only at its best when it was with Mike. He was still unwilling to admit this part to Mike, to enter exclusivity, afraid that if he did he would still be missing out on the dating life he’d had to sit on the sidelines of for over thirty years. There was also the fact that the humiliating revenge sex Mike inflicted on Jay when he found out about another fling Jay had had given Jay some of the best thrills of his life.

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The most humiliating, which had also been one of the most satisfying, had happened three months ago when Mike found out that Jay had spent the weekend in Chicago hooking up with a rich guy he’d met on Grindr. Jay had originally told Mike that he was visiting his sister for the weekend, a lie that had collapsed on itself when she posted pictures on Facebook of the surprise weekend getaway her husband had planned for her. Mike had not allowed Jay to dwell on the fact that he was apparently Facebook friends with everyone in Jay’s family, something that Jay had not been aware of, and instead quietly went about planning his revenge.

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Typically when Mike went about fucking Jay after finding out about one of his hookups it was within the day and usually involved spanking and begging, slightly adjusted each time. But that time had been different. Mike had demanded Jay tell him the truth Monday morning when they saw each other at work, then said nothing about it until Friday night, when he informed Jay that Jay would be coming over to his apartment. Jay had been a ball of nervous energy all week, both fearful of whatever Mike was planning and dreading that he might enact revenge by not giving Jay anything at all.

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When they’d gotten to Mike’s apartment Mike seemed as impatient as he was, wasting no time dragging Jay to the bedroom and tearing his clothes off. Once Jay was completely naked Mike shoved him onto the bed, still fully dressed himself, and jerked Jay roughly with one hand while brushing against his prostate with the other, until Jay was one more stroke away from coming. He’d removed his hands abruptly and ordered Jay to get off the bed and on the floor, on his knees. Jay had done so, barely able to move with how shaky he was with the need to come, and watched as Mike slowly removed his own clothes. Even through the haze of his need to come he had latched onto Mike’s every word.

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“I don’t know what pisses me off more,” Mike had said while removing his pants, and Jay’s mouth had watered at the bulge he could see in Mike’s boxers. “You whoring yourself in other cities, or lying to me about it.”

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Once Mike was completely naked, he’d sat on his bed and casually stroked himself with lube.

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“Now, I’m going to be nice this time. You need to come, right?”

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Jay could only moan in response.

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“Mhm, I know, you’re leaking for it. Did that rich fuck get to see you like this? Did he pay you to get on your knees and beg for him?”

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Jay had shook his head, whimpering. He’d wanted to tell Mike that no one else got to see him this desperate, that it would be too humiliating and shitty with anyone who wasn’t Mike. Also fuck off, it wasn’t a sugar daddy thing, the guy just happened to be rich with a nice dick.

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“I can’t be sure that you aren’t just lying to me again, but it looks like you’re beyond words. So I’m going to be nice, Jay, and leave this up to you. You can pick your favorite part of my body, besides my dick, and hump it to relieve yourself. See? See how nice I can be?”

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Jay had moaned loudly and leaned forward until his head was touching the floor. Mike was being an asshole and he knew it. Jay had confided in him that he found it embarrassing to jerk off in front of someone else, and this was like that, but worse. He was also too overwhelmed to make any decisions. He loved Mike’s large hands, how they could swallow his own whole and how they fit perfectly around his dick. He loved Mike’s thighs, how he could grab onto them when he was blowing Mike and how warm they were when pushed up against Jay’s body under the covers late at night. He loved his soft pecs, the way they smelled after sex, how they felt against his face when he let Mike hold him in bed…

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“I’m surprised you’re taking your time, Jay. Your cock seems pretty full to me.”

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Mike talking about his dick had pulled another string of precome from it, and Jay had gotten up with shaky legs. Mike had snickered at his inability to walk, and smirked at him when Jay had to grab onto his shoulders to keep from falling over. Ultimately Jay had decided that his favorite part on Mike’s body was his stomach, and had always wanted to get under Mike’s shirt and hump it whenever they had the kind of sex where Jay sat in Mike’s lap. He did so then, straddling Mike’s thigh and pushing his dick up until it was firmly against Mike’s stomach, snapping his hips up at the warm feel of it and unable to stop once he started. Through the clouded vision of his desperation he thought he saw Mike’s eyes widen in embarrassment at Jay having chosen his gut. This rare display of vulnerability made Jay want to kiss him, but he was throwing his head back before he could, moaning Mike’s name as his orgasm hit, ropes of come splashing against Mike’s stomach and chest. Mike had put Jay on his dick while the aftershocks of his orgasm were still rolling through him and it was almost too much, to be used like that when he was still so raw and sensitive. Mike had done all the work, gripping Jay tight around his waist and pulling him up and down on his dick. He’d come quicker than normal and they’d both been breathless in the aftermath, still locked together and sweating terribly, Jay resting his head on Mike’s shoulder while Mike stroked his back.

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“Don’t lie about it anymore,” Mike had whispered into Jay’s ear after they’d spent several minutes like that. His voice had sounded so broken that Jay had almost made him the promise that he wouldn’t sleep with anyone else if Mike didn’t want him to. The last piece of resistance had still tugged at him, so he’d just whispered back “okay” and kissed the soft spot on Mike’s jaw.

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And now he’d lied to Mike again, and had probably also ruined whatever stupid thing he had going on with Todd, because he was a bad person who would never be able to just have a normal relationship with anyone no matter what he tried doing. Jay was pulled from his self-pity by a loud knock on the door. He’d been standing in the middle of his living room holding a pillow, staring into space like a lunatic, and groaned when he realized that he was half hard and had no time to do anything about it. He debated holding the pillow over himself to answer the door, then decided that would only make it more noticeable anyway and went to let Mike in.

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“Jesus Christ, finally,” Mike said when Jay opened the door. He had a six pack under his arm. “The fuck took you so long?”

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“Shut up,” was all he could reply with as he stepped aside to let Mike in. His guilt was starting to fade fast. This was the first Friday night they’d spent together in awhile, and that wasn’t entirely Jay’s fault. Mike still spent a lot of his weekends going to bars getting blackout drunk and seducing whatever women were around and willing, which was still a majority of the ones he flirted with. He even went after guys sometimes if he was in a particular mood, usually onset by something Jay had done.

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_He’d stop if you told him you didn’t want him to _, the fucking voice in the back of his head said, and Jay fought to keep the grimace off his face.__

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“Glad to see you’ve already got some beers at the ready,” Mike shouted at Jay while putting his six pack in the fridge, despite the kitchen not being far from the living room. Sometimes Jay got the feeling that Mike was extra loud at Jay’s apartment so all his neighbors could hear him, marking his territory as Jay’s main company. “I’m gonna need to be drunk to get into whatever weirdo arthouse crap you’ve got to torture me with. And I’m not drinking alone.”

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“You mentioned,” Jay sneered, opening the beer bottles and keeping his face ducked down. “Not sure why, though, since you seem not to have a problem doing it every other night.”

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It was beyond unwise to pick a fight with Mike right now, but he felt on edge. Maybe he’d just blurt out the truth and jumpstart the punishment himself.

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“That’s rich coming from you, _Jay _, since that’s what you claimed to be up to last night.” Mike was looming over Jay now, taking the beer from his hand and staring directly into his eyes. Jay stared back, unwilling to be the first to break. He also took a small comfort in Mike’s eyes, even at moments like these when he was trying to be pissed at him. They always seemed to have a shine to them. He’d once confessed loving the brightness of Mike’s eyes to him after sex, when he was wrung out and more willing to talk about such things.__

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“I think they’re only like that when I look at you,” Mike had said, and when Jay pulled back from the kiss Mike planted on him to look into his eyes again they were brighter than he’d ever remembered. It was another moment where he’d almost let his resolve fall and ask Mike to be with him for real.

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He felt himself blush angrily at the memory and had to look away.

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Mike flicked his ear but otherwise seemed unwilling to start a real argument, only fake groaning when Jay pressed play on the movie.

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They were mostly quiet during the movie, a gory indie film Jay had been wanting to see for awhile and finally got on blu-ray. The only sound outside the film was Mike fidgeting on the couch. He could never sit still during movies, especially grotesque ones, and by the end of the film he had contorted himself into about 70 different positions.

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Jay had felt restless himself, worried Mike could sense he had been lying, and as a result had drunk way more beer than he’d intended to. By the end of the movie’s two and a half hour runtime he’d had four beers and was approaching drunk, but even that couldn’t help him shake the feelings of guilt and anger that still sat inside him, a rock weighing down his soul. He’d barely paid attention to the movie.

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“I don’t understand how you watch that crap,” Mike said when Jay popped the disk out and put it away. His voice sounded slurry, and when Jay looked over he was startled to see six empty beer bottles in front of Mike. He didn’t even remember Mike getting up from the couch.

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“It’s a good release,” Jay said, grabbing them both another beer on his way back to the couch. He was starting to feel normal with Mike again, like all it took to reset their awkwardness was beer and a movie, the cornerstones of whatever this fucked up relationship was.

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“Mhmm, a release. You really expect me to believe this is the only way you get your little fucked up releases out?” Jay settled onto the couch next to Mike and prepared for a fight until he got a look at Mike’s face. He was smirking, but the exacting look was gone. He just looked smug, like he knew he had Jay right where he wanted him and that Jay wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

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“I don’t know, Mike,” Jay said, taking a sip of beer and raising an eyebrow. “What kind of release do you think I need?”

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Something sinister flashed in Mike’s eyes, and he leaned forward to stroke a finger along Jay’s cheek. Jay shuddered, the hairs on his arms rising to Mike’s touch. The beers were making his tongue sluggish, and he wasn’t sure if that was good or not, because he was debating telling Mike that he only wanted him from now on, that he’d learned all his lessons and come to the conclusion that it was Mike he needed all along.

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He braced himself for Mike to lunge on him, hitching his breath as he imagined Mike closing the space between them and crushing him with his larger body, biting at his neck, marking Jay as his own. He twitched, about to close the space himself, when their moment was broken by a knock on the door.

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Jay felt the blood drain out of his head and his stomach turn to stone. He felt paralyzed, a rush of sickly fear coursing through him. He tried to convince himself that Mike had just ordered takeout without his knowledge as he forced himself off the couch, but the confused, pissed off, almost hurt look on Mike’s face didn’t allow him to cling onto that hope.

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He felt like he was going to throw up, and for a moment thought he actually would when he opened the door and saw Todd standing there. His vision had whited out in pure panic, and it took him a solid few seconds to realize Todd was holding his hoodie.

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“Are you ok?” Todd didn’t sound mad, just concerned, probably because Jay looked like he was about to pass out.

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“You forgot this at the club last night.” Todd said after Jay continued to stand motionless in silence, lifting his arm so the hoodie was only inches away from Jay’s face.

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As his panic started to clear he could feel Mike leering at them from the couch. He could imagine the exact look Mike would have on his face, the one where his nostrils flared slightly, eyebrows pinched up while his eyes narrowed in murderous rage. The back of his neck grew hot, like Mike’s glaring was casting some sort of heat onto it.

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____

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“Oh, shit,” Todd said, looking over Jay and into the apartment for the first time. “I didn’t realize anyone else was here. What’s up man?”

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____

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_What the fuck is wrong with you _Jay wanted to scream. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to direct it to himself or Todd. Instead he continued to stand in silence while Todd raised a hand to wave to Mike, who replied “hey” as flatly as he could, still not moving from the couch.__

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____

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“C…can I…can we talk in the hallway for a second?” Jay felt like he had last night, awkward and small and in no way able to deal with the situation that was unfolding in front of him.

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____

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“Sure man,” Todd said, still breezy, and called out “Nice meeting you!” to Mike. Jay shut the door behind them before Mike could either reply or launch off the couch to kill them both.

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____

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Once in the hallway Jay realized just how much taller Todd was than him. He practically had to crane his neck just to look him in the eye, which only made him want to stare down at his feet more. He forced himself to keep his eyes up, his breath coming in shallowly. The blood still hadn’t returned to his head, and he debated whether it might play on Todd’s sympathies more if he fainted at his feet. Or maybe he didn’t have to. Todd didn’t look upset, just confused, maybe even a little pitying. Jay took the hoodie from him, clutching it tight like he could garner extra courage from it.

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____

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“Is everything ok?” Todd asked, reaching like he was going to stroke Jay’s arm, then took his hand back, thinking better of it. “Do you want me to go in there and get you water?”

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____

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“No!” Jay yelled way too loudly, wincing at his outburst. “No, it’s fine, just…I need to talk to you.”

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____

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“I kinda guessed,” Todd said, laughing nervously. “Um, are you like…with the guy who’s in there?”

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____

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“No. I mean…not really. Sometimes. It’s weird, he’s my best friend, and we have…we do…uh…”

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____

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“I get it.” Todd held his hand up and let out another awkward laugh. Jay felt himself soften towards Todd, thankful he had been spared from whatever rambling speech he was about to go into about the nature of his and Mike’s relationship. He wasn’t sure why he had been so nervous about seeing him again. Todd had never been cruel, never judged him even slightly when Jay refused to participate in the places he took them. Even now, after Jay had ditched him at a sleazy club, he’d hand delivered Jay’s hoodie and didn’t seem even the slightest bit upset that Jay was spending his Friday night with a guy he had a sordid sexual history with. Jay swallowed hard and forced himself to speak.

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“Look, I’m sorry…I really am sorry, but I don’t think…I don’t know if I should keep doing this shit with you…”

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“I kinda figured,” Todd said, mercifully interrupting again. “You seemed really freaked out last night.”

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“Yeah,” Jay said. His face felt hot at the thought that his discomfort was so apparent.

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____

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“Honestly I just came by to give you the hoodie back and ‘cuz I was afraid you were gonna ghost me.”

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“Ghost..what?” A thought about Mike’s stupid ghost hunting obsession crossed his mind, and he squashed it down angrily.

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____

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“You know, ghosting, like when…when you never want to see the other person again, so you totally cut off all contact—“

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____

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“No, I get…I know what ghosting is. I just…it’s weird to hear it out loud.” His sister had sent him an article on ghosting from one of her stupid pop culture news sites a few months ago with the text _is this what you want to do to Mike? _, to which Jay had replied with a middle finger picture and a reminder to stay out of his personal life. She was a weird proponent of him dating Mike and would bring it up constantly. Regardless he didn’t want Todd thinking he was some old man who couldn’t keep up with his lifestyle or his young person lingo.__

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____

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Todd just nodded and gave him a sad smile. “Yeah, I mean, it kinda sucks, ‘cuz I really do like doing all this shit with you. And the sex is pretty good.” Jay’s face got hot, and his heart started hammering at the thought of Mike pressing his ear to the door and hearing all this. His mouth grew dry at the thought of Mike throwing the door open and punching Todd in the face, then dragging Jay back into the apartment to tell him he was a lying slut who could keep fucking around if he wanted to get laid in the future, because Mike was done putting up with his shit. Through his angst he realized Todd was still talking.

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____

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“Huh?”

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“I said I’m only here for a few more weeks anyway, so maybe this is what’s best.” Fuck, he really was a good guy. It was almost suspicious. This breakup, or whatever it technically was, was too easy. There was no screaming, no one accusing the other of being emotionally repressed and in love with their best friend. It was the smoothest end to a relationship Jay had ever experienced.

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Jay continued to stand stiffly, his arms barely rising from his side when Todd gave him a brief hug.

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“Well…take care,” Todd said when Jay didn’t move.

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“Yeah, uh, you…you too. Good luck with the rest of the movie.”

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Todd snorted, said thanks, and walked down the hallway.

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“I wasn’t gonna ghost you!” Jay shouted stupidly when Todd was halfway gone. “I just needed time to think.”

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Todd turned around to smirk and give a half wave before continuing on. Jay watched him until he turned into the stairwell and was completely out of sight, the adventurous side of Jay disappearing with him. For a moment Jay wanted to chase after him, to try to get it back, but then he remembered Mike was in his apartment alone and his stomach turned.

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He stood frozen with his hand on the doorknob, unwilling to face Mike. The realization that he was truly over fucking around with other people was finally starting to hit him, the desire he’d been resining for 15 years, to just stay at Mike’s side and never wander away feeling like a true comfort for the first time in his life. Only now he had fucked it up by being caught in yet another lie, maybe for good. Mike would never be able to trust him again and might just stop fucking him altogether. Maybe he’d leave Jay and find someone to love who would be dedicated to him from the start, the type of person Jay had begged for him to find whenever he got too tempted to admit to Mike how much he loved him and needed a way out.

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____

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_See, now you’ve fucked it up. You lost everything you wanted and it’s all your fault. Congratulations. ___

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____

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This thought settled into him as he finally opened his apartment door, bracing himself for Mike’s wrath.

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Mike was still in the same spot on the couch, giving no indication that he’d moved. He was holding a beer but not drinking it, and Jay couldn’t tell how full it was. Mike had been staring at the ground, and the expression on his face as he slowly looked up at Jay was unreadable. Jay could feel that his own face looked like a wreck, his eyes heavy with the threat of tears, and he realized too late that it probably looked like he was upset because he’d broken up with Todd, and that Mike wouldn’t believe him that it was really because he was afraid to lose Mike for good.

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“So staying home and making cocktails is what you call clubbing?” Mike’s voice was flat and his face was still indecipherable. Jay felt his head get the light, fuzzy feeling it did whenever he was on the verge of passing out. He’d only done it once in his life, a long time ago when he was in high school, after he’d sliced himself on a knife while cooking in Home Ec and made the mistake of looking down to see the inside of his hand. He could still remember how awful it had felt, how coming to on the dirty classroom floor made him feel more sickly than the cut, the humiliation of his classmates staring down at him while his teacher frantically tried to get the nurse to come to his aid. It was a moment he never wanted to repeat, especially not in front of Mike, so he braced himself against his door and swallowed down as much air as he could.

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“I didn’t…I felt like shit…I didn’t want to get into…” He couldn’t make his voice form full sentences. Distantly he was aware that his Twin Peaks hoodie had slipped from his hands onto the floor.

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____

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Mike licked over his lips like he was deciding what his next move should be. He finally got up from the couch, and Jay, frightened that Mike was getting up to leave, pressed himself more firmly against the door as he did. It was a useless effort—all the weightlifting in the world wouldn’t make him strong enough to effectively block Mike from leaving the apartment if he wanted to—but it was the only thing he could think to do besides beg, which he somehow still wasn’t desperate enough to do yet.

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____

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He could hear his heart beat in his ears as Mike got closer to him. He thought he really would pass out when Mike loomed into his space, and almost gasped when Mike stroked a finger against his cheek.

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“What kind of club, Jay?” He had one arm above Jay’s head pressed up against the door, leaning on it so his face was almost touching Jay’s. The other hand had stopped stroking Jay’s cheek.

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____

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“H…huh?”

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If he played along, Mike would stay—

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“I asked you what kind of club.”

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____

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—-all he had to do was tell the truth—

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“It…you know.”

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—but the truth was still so hard to tell, because it meant hurting Mike—

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____

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“But I want to hear it from you, Jay. I want you to tell me what you did.”

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—which was unfair, really, because Mike had hurt Jay, too, countless times—

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“I didn’t do…I hated it.”

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____

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—even though Jay had been the one to tell Mike to hurt him, had encouraged it so many times—

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“So sorry to hear that, Jay, but you still have to tell me.”

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____

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—and now if he didn’t finally tell the truth, all of it, his bullshit would push Mike away forever and hurt them both for good.

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“I went to a strip club. A gay one.”

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Mike snorted. He was still leaning against his arm, his lips right at Jay’s eye level, and Jay let out a small whimper at the thought of never kissing them again.

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“You went to a strip club?”

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“Y…yeah. It, I didn’t…it was weird, Mike I’m sorry, I am.”

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Something flashed in Mike’s eyes, a look of shock, probably that he’d gotten an apology from Jay without spanking one out of him. His eyes hardened again before Jay could dwell on it, and shifted back so he was no longer almost pressed against Jay.

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“Who was that guy?”

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“I met him at a bar a month ago. We went out a few times since. He’s only in town temporarily and I’m not seeing him anymore anyway.” Jay had accepted that Mike wasn’t going to immediately storm out and end things, but still couldn’t decide if it was better to play it cool or beg for Mike’s forgiveness.

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“Mhm, got tired of fucking around at strip clubs with a boy toy?” There was an edge in Mike’s voice that he winced at when he didn’t catch it in time. It made Jay want to fall into Mike’s arms, but he stayed pressed against the door.

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“Sort of. I just…I don’t want to do that stuff anymore.” He stared at Mike hopefully, like Mike would hear what he needed to from that statement and they could leave it at that.

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He either missed it completely or ignored it to make Jay admit to more later, because he just rolled his eyes and grabbed for Jay’s hand. Jay gave it to him, letting his arm go limp as Mike dragged him to the couch. He didn’t resist when Mike pushed him onto it. He felt small again, sitting down while Mike stood tall above him, but it was different from how he’d felt in the hallway with Todd. Mike’s height had always felt like a comfort, a way for him to catch things that might hurt Jay before they could rain down on him, even when those things were confessions that would let Mike know how much Jay loved him.

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“Stay there,” Mike said, so Jay did. Mike was only gone for a moment, coming back with one of Jay’s ties. Jay didn’t resist when Mike tipped his head forward to cover his eyes with it. They’d done this before, Mike blindfolding Jay and torturing him with too slight touches at random intervals that Jay couldn’t see until Jay was so lit up and desperate that he would sob for Mike to please fuck him, please.

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“Don’t move until I come get you,” Mike said, sounding like he was walking away. Jay jumped when he heard his TV turn on, and it took him a moment to realize that Mike was setting something up rather than making him beg right away. Or maybe he was slipping out the apartment door, leaving Jay to sit there all night with the blindfold on like an idiot until he eventually woke up on his couch tomorrow morning to a note from Mike saying he’d left Jay forever.

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He was too distracted trying to figure out what Mike could be doing to focus on figuring out what Mike had put on the TV. Whatever it was had a laugh track and was loud enough that Jay couldn’t hear Mike moving around the apartment, wherever he was. He hadn’t heard the door shut so he was pretty sure Mike was still there. Sitting in darkness with only the noise of the TV was causing his anxiety to creep back in, but it wasn’t nearly as awful as it had been before. At least like this he could almost be certain Mike wouldn’t leave anytime soon. Nothing was as bad as thinking Mike would leave him for good.

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He sat unmoving in the same position for what felt like hours. Maybe it had only been 20 minutes. He was pretty sure he heard the TV go to commercial at least a few times. His sense of time always got fucked up whenever he was blindfolded, everything else heightened to make it seem like the world around him was moving at a glacial pace. He was feeling himself start to cramp up when something tapped his shoulder. He jumped, almost falling off the couch. Mike grabbed his arm so he stayed somewhat upright. He was still jittery when Mike removed the tie from around his eyes. He blinked against the light and was suddenly terrified of what was going to happen to him, which annoyed him. He should know better. Mike wouldn’t do anything to seriously hurt him, even if he was hurt himself by Jay’s constant lying. Probably.

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“Come with me,” Mike said, grabbing Jay’s arm with one hand and shutting off the TV with the other. Jay got up lamely, letting Mike drag him back to his bedroom. He thought he could hear the faint sound of music coming from behind the shut door.

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Mike opened the door, tugged Jay inside, and slammed the door shut again. He let go of Jay’s arm to sit on the chair he’d set up at the edge of Jay’s bed. Jay blinked and looked around the room, trying to assess what the hell was going on. Besides the chair and the music playing, the bedroom was also dark; the window curtains were shut, the only source of light coming from his little bedroom TV, which was set to a blank blue screen. Nothing else looked out of place. He looked back to Mike, who was sitting on the chair with his legs spread open wide. Jay blinked at him, confused, and Mike just stared at him with a stoney expression as Jay slowly realized—

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No.

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Fuck no.

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Absolutely fucking not.

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“So,” Mike said, still keeping his voice flat. “You like going to strip clubs now.”

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Jay just stared at him. This could not be happening.

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“And I imagine you had fun, yeah? All those guys grinding on you, calling you hot, getting to feel like hot shit with your money.”

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Jay continued staring, debating running out of the apartment himself. If what he was pretty sure was about to happen was happening, he could not do this. It was too humiliating, his limit finally reached, which meant Mike was going to drag this out for as long as he could, which would probably be all night.

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“You probably remember exactly how they danced on you, how they made you feel all hot and slutty, your favorite. So go on, Jay. Show me what you learned there. Put on a show, give me a lap dance, make me feel as good as you did last night when you were lying to me.”

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____

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It didn’t feel good at all, he wanted to say. He knew saying that would only piss Mike off more, that he would assume it was another lie. It wouldn’t get him out of this either way.

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He was suddenly aware of how stupid and corny the music playing was, cheesy strip club shit that had only made him feel more uncomfortable last night. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans, suddenly hating himself for wearing such a form fitting t-shirt that Mike would probably taunt him about later. He was an idiot for thinking he could use it to torture Mike and that it wouldn’t be turned back around on him.

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He licked over his lips, his heart racing almost as hard as it had when he thought Mike would murder Todd and storm out of Jay’s life. But of course he would never do that. He needed to stick around to humiliate Jay, to put him through the wringer for everything he’d ever done wrong. There was no sense in delaying this shit any further, so he reached behind his neck to yank his shirt off.

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“Hey, come on.” Mike said when the shirt was halfway pulled off. “Where’s the fun in that? I asked for a show. You wouldn’t make any tips rushing through like that.”

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____

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Jay felt his face light on fire. Mike had his lips clamped together to hide his shit eating grin. He knew Jay hated this kind of stuff, that the corniness of a strip tease would only amplify how awkward Jay felt and let sick humiliation course through him. Whenever they had sex Jay took off his clothes as quickly as possible, avoiding Mike’s eyes the whole time. Even after he’d gotten in shape and wanted to see what Mike thought of his new muscles he didn’t dare peak until after, when he was completely naked, somehow finding full exposure less humiliating than the acts leading up to it.

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He let his shirt fall back onto him completely and tried not to sneer as he grabbed the hem from both sides, crossing his arms. He lifted his shirt over his head, slowly, feeling every strand of stomach and chest hair individually stand on edge when exposed to his cold bedroom. His nipples were already hard, and when his shirt was off completely he threw it to the floor to play with them before giving Mike the satisfaction of asking him to tug at his own nipples.

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“There you go, see? You know you look hot, don’t you. Touch your ab muscles now, I know you want to.”

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“Do you talk this much to actual strippers?” Jay snapped, unable to keep it in anymore. It was a dumb move because it would only encourage Mike to push him further. The sick part of him kind of wanted to see what that would look like. He was also starting to form some ideas on how to turn this around on Mike, at least a little.

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Mike just snorted. “Maybe. Maybe you’re just special, Jay.”

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“Wonderful,” Jay muttered, unbuttoning his jeans. He was grateful he hadn’t worn a belt today. He remembered last night, how the strippers had done cheesy shit like lace their belts through their legs and whip it on the ground. His whole body blushed just at the thought of doing that in front of Mike.

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There was no way he could figure out how to take off his pants in a way that was sexy, so he just pulled them off as quickly as he could without tipping over. He decided he was going to keep his boxer briefs on for now, wanting to see if he could get Mike to drool a little bit before getting completely naked. They were tight and expensive, which he wasn’t sure if he was currently happy about or if it was making matters worse. He was also clearly half hard, the way he always got whenever Mike had him do this kind of shit. He’d given up years ago trying to figure out why his body chased the humiliation Mike liked putting him through.

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“Aww, no tear away pants? What kind of strip club is this?”

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Jay resisted the urge to flip Mike off, instead snarling and flinging the pants at him. Mike laughed, grabbing them while shouting “oooh, a souvenir”, draping them across the back of his neck like a scarf.

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In just his underwear Jay was at a loss for what to do next. He trailed his hand up and down his chest and stomach absentmindedly, wondering how long Mike would make him stand there like that. He wondered if Mike would make him strip naked and crawl toward him, which he’d done before. He wouldn’t do it unless Mike asked for it, but his cock still twitched at the thought. He traced one hand down to his crotch, squeezing his dick a little to relieve himself. He was surprised at how good it felt, his body lit up and extra sensitive from the embarrassment, and let out an involuntary moan, arching deeper into his hand. Through hooded eyes he could see Mike licking his lips, and he moaned again in the hopes it would coax Mike into telling him what to do next.

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“C’mere,” Mike said, his voice softer then it should have been. “Let me get a better look at you.”

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____

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He hadn’t said crawl so Jay walked over, shaking a little at the thought of what Mike would do to him. When he reached Mike he put a hand on either side of the arms of the chair, putting his knees on Mike’s lap so he was sitting over him. Peering down at Mike made him feel at least a little more in control, and without thinking he started rubbing his clothed bulge in little circles on Mike’s stomach.

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Mike gazed up at him, his eyes half adoring and half smug. “What’s your name?”

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Jay rolled his eyes, his blush deepening. Mike could probably feel the heat rolling off him now. “Jay.”

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“Aww, that’s no fun. You have to give yourself a stripped name.”

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“That’s only for female strippers. Guy strippers don’t have to worry about someone following them home.” He had no idea if this was true or not, but all the strippers last night had normal names like ‘Chad’ or ‘Bud’, no ‘Crystal’ or ‘Sapphire’ shit.

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“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Mike growled up at him, taking his hands off the arm of the chair where they’d been tightly gripped to turn their attention to Jay’s ass. “I might drag you back to my lair when you’re done with your show.”

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“If you get too handsy I’ll have security kick you out,” Jay said, taking Mike’s hands off his ass and putting them back on the chair. He felt some of the humiliation and anxiety slip away as he did, comforted by the feeling of Mike’s hands. No matter how many times it happened it always surprised him how easy it was to slip into a character with Mike, how naturally he could pick up the role of someone else and talk to Mike’s persona like this was who they’d been all along. Even way before they’d started fucking Mike had made half hearted attempts to making movies that Jay would always have a somewhat starring role in. Under Mike’s direction he became a halfway decent actor, something he’d never been in his own movies as a kid or for any of his filmmaking friends growing up. Only Mike could make him so comfortable with himself that he was able to be someone else for a little while, because Mike knew all the right things to say in a way that was safe. Even in moments like this, when he wanted Jay embarrassed and red-faced to make him pay for what he’d done, Mike knew how to tease another side out of Jay that no one else could ever get close to seeing.

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Jay shook himself out of wherever that train of thought was trying to take him and made himself focus on Mike’s face, into Mike’s eyes. They were bright even in the dim light of the room, and Jay had to bite his lip to keep from moaning about it.

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“Aww, you’d call security on me?” That was another great thing about Mike. He knew when to play along.

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Just forbid me to fuck anyone else for real. Just make me be yours alone.

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He swallowed those words down and instead continued his half grinding on Mike’s stomach. “Hmmm, maybe not you, you’re a good customer.”

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Mike suppressed a smirk and Jay noticed from the corner of his eye Mike’s knuckles grip the chair tighter, his hands turning white. He wanted those hands to roam all over him, to light him up like no one else could, but not yet.

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“Have you ever gotten a lap dance before?” Jay wasn’t sure if he was asking as himself or as the stripper character. He wasn’t sure who he would prefer Mike answer to.

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“Not from anyone as good looking as you,” Mike said, twitching a little to meet Jay’s grinds. Jay wasn’t sure if that answer was good enough or not, and stupidly it stung. He felt himself getting jealous over previous strippers who had grinded on Mike, for past lovers who got to feel Mike inside of them. Mike should have been his and his alone, even when he claimed he didn’t want him to be. Fuck him. Mike should know better. No one else would do this stupid stripper shit for him, would put up with half as much as Jay did, let alone enjoy it. Mike probably wouldn’t even think to ask anyone else

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Jay twisted away from Mike so they were now facing the same direction. He had to stop gazing down into Mike’s face. It was giving him emotional whiplash.

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He also felt slightly less stupid doing this now that Mike couldn’t look at him and see how bright red his face still was. Even through Mike’s jeans Jay could feel that he was hard, and when he wiggled his ass just slightly on it he felt Mike get even harder. He grinned, getting harder himself, and ground his ass down onto Mike’s dick more firmly.

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“So what’s your name,” Jay asked, trying to make his voice as low as possible. He hated trying to sound sexy, felt that his voice was too nasally to ever allow that to happen, but also had the feeling that Mike was starting to get gone enough to be affected by it.

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“Mike,” he said , and it sounded like he was talking through gritted teeth. Jay bit his lip to keep from beaming even though Mike couldn’t see. He pressed down harder and barely choked off his moan in time when Mike greedily shoved his hips up to get more.

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“So, Mike, you like lap dances hmm?” He wasn’t sure if it was the beers catching up with him or if he was just drunk on his want for Mike but he was quickly losing himself in this game, not even embarrassed by his attempt at a sexy voice.

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“Mhmm.” Mike sounded like he could barely control himself. Jay stopped his grinding to lean back against Mike. He sunk into Mike’s chest, let himself rise and fall with Mike’s heavy breathing. He could feel Mike’s ragged breath on his ear. He wanted to beg Mike to just let them get to the point where they fucked, but Mike wouldn’t let them yet, no matter how hard he was. It wasn’t time yet, Jay could feel it, so he leaned forward and continued his grinding. He braced his hands on Mike’s, which were gripping the arms of the chair so hard Jay was half worried they’d snap in his grip, and hoisted himself up a little. He switched between holding himself up, just barely making contact with Mike’s dick, and lowering himself down, allowing his full weight to grind on it. Whenever he lifted himself back up Mike would snap his hips up to try and stay connected. Jay’s cock throbbed every time. He was almost desperate enough to face Mike and hump him until they were both coming, but that wasn’t what they really needed. He just wanted to feel Mike, feel his enormous proportions fill his tiny ones. Jay moaned and got off of Mike, wobbling a little when he was standing again. Mike was still fully clothed and he’d had enough of it.

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“Let’s take this off,” he said, tugging at the hem of Mike’s shirt. He pulled Mike forward with his own jeans, which were still draped around Mike’s neck. Mike’s face was almost pressed to his Jay’s chest, and Mike flicked his tongue out at Jay’s nipple when he got close enough. Jay groaned, losing himself in the feeling for a moment before remembering what they were doing and pushing Mike’s head back.

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“No touching,” he said, his voice low and almost sweet. He stared into Mike’s eyes and stroked Mike’s cheek with his thumb as he said it, mesmerized by the stubble he could feel. He’d begged Mike to grow a full beard before, just to see what it was like, and his request was always denied with an eyeroll. But Mike would let his stubble grow out for a few days whenever he did ask before shaving it clean again, like he was afraid of what would happen if he ignored Jay’s demands too much. Jay forced his eyes down to Mike’s bulge to snap himself out of this sappy bullshit. It was so dangerous, looking into Mike’s eyes, like swimming in uncharted waters. He would lose himself forever if he stared at them too long. Then he’d belong to Mike only, not even keeping a piece for himself. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

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No. This stupid game had to play out first, this was why he was here. To be punished for the wrong things he’d done. He pulled off Mike’s shirt, avoiding his eyes. Mike wordlessly lifted his arms from the chair and let Jay undress him, which might have been a first. Jay was overwhelmed at that possibility and fell against Mike, shivering when their bare chests touched. He was a little above Mike still, staring down at his hairline, and overcome with the need to kiss him. Would a stripper kiss a customer? Had he been kissed last night? He couldn’t remember. All he could think about was the mounting pressure in his cock and how badly he wanted Mike to finally fling him on the bed and end this. He felt his breath quicken, matching Mike’s, and grew dizzy. What the hell had happened last night? He had vague memories of having his face licked, which was revolting unless Mike did it. He did it to Mike now, leaning down to lap at his cheeks, the corner of his eyes, just barely brushing over his lips. Mike moaned deep in his chest for it. Jay whimpered when it reverberated through him, unable to stop himself. He felt Mike’s hands graze against his ass before he snatched them back, and Jay whimpered again.

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They were both overwhelmed. Jay felt if he didn’t move this along faster he would explode from want, and Mike would have finished him off for good. He slid down onto the ground, between Mike’s knees, and palmed at the straining bulge. He slid his hand up to Mike’s chest and back down to his dick over and over, like he was under a spell that only Mike could break, but Mike didn’t know how. At one point Jay squeezed Mike’s dick when he’d slid his hand back down and Mike pinched his eyes shut like he was trying very hard not to come. That snapped Jay out of it enough to unbutton Mike’s pants and pull his zipper down. Mike lifted his ass so Jay could slide his jeans off, leaving the boxers on for now. He loved the way Mike’s dick looked when it was hard beneath his boxers, making the most of the room it had. It somehow seemed bigger when it was concealed like that. He slipped his hand in the slit of the boxers, lightly grabbing what he could. Mike’s dick was wet with precome at least at the tip, and Jay used it to smear up and down as far as he could reach from his angle on the floor. It wasn’t even half, which made his own dick throb painfully against the boxer shorts it was trapped in.

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“Are you allowed to touch customers like this?” Mike asked. It was the first time in awhile that Mike had spoken. His voice was broken and gruff. Jay scooted closer as though physically pulled by the need in Mike’s voice, sliding his hand further down Mike’s cock in the process.

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“Mmm, normally not” he said, lightly kissing Mike’s dick through the boxers. Mike made a half swallowed noise that almost got Jay off. He wanted to palm at his own dick to relieve the pressure at least a little, but didn’t trust himself not to come if he did. He focused harder on Mike’s dick to distract himself. “But you’re a special client, so I’ll make an exception for you.”

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He pulled Mike’s dick out through the slit of his boxers. He wrapped his hand around the base still hidden under cloth, and took the rest into his mouth. He bobbed his head smoothly, never gagging, letting Mike see how good he was at this. He didn’t really need to—Mike was well aware of how good at sucking dick Jay was, how eager he was to do it. But he loved it every time, felt like each time was a chance to prove he was even better than the time before, until one day it could get to a point where Mike could just keep his dick lodged in Jay’s throat forever. Jay moaned and drooled at the thought, bobbing his head faster, and felt like a cold bucket of water had been doused over his head when Mike pushed on his forehead to get him to stop.

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Jay looked up at him through muggy eyes, and was about to tease Mike again for touching him without permission when he saw the look on Mike’s face. He looked unhinged, like he always did right before he pounded Jay hard, and Jay whined at the thought. He was so close, and he licked his lips to make them even more spit shiny and full, to show Mike how bad he wanted it.

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“C’mere,” Mike said with obvious effort, his Adam’s apple bobbing heavily. He took his boxers off and reached for Jay, and Jay took his hand to stand. Normally he would slap it away, to prove something, but he didn’t have the strength anymore.

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“Do I get to see?” Mike asked, hovering his hand over Jay’s crotch, where his dick was one throb away from tearing off his boxer shorts. Jay nodded and slipped them off too hurriedly, almost tripping in the process. He stared at Mike and Mike just stared back, both their eyes wide. Jay wanted to fall against Mike’s chest again, to be surrounded by its heat while it lifted him up and down, like Mike had to breath for him. Mike reached for him again and Jay fell into him wordlessly. He straddled one of Mike’s enormous thighs, whimpering at how good it felt to be fully naked and flushed against him. Jay leaned his head on Mike’s shoulder and Mike nibbled on his ear, stroking Jay’s back with those big hands. He pushed back a little so he could feel them on him even more.

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“I’m allowed to touch you now?” Mike asked, too softly, and Jay just nodded against his throat. He didn’t know if Mike was asking him as a stripper or as himself, just knew that whatever was happening was back in Mike’s control. It was Mike’s story now, and Jay was happy to succumb to it.

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“Mhm, you like that, don’t you? You’re such a good stripper, did you know that? Can you feel how hard you’re making me?”

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Jay felt Mike guide his hand to his dick, which was leaking even harder than it had when Jay had been blowing him. Mike’s other hand was teasing over Jay’s hole, and Jay had to bite on Mike’s neck to keep from trying to jam Mike’s fingers into him.

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“Do you dance like that on all your customers?” Mike asked, grabbing Jay’s chin and forcing their eyes to meet. Jay blinked heavily, trying to figure out if they were still in the game.

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“Just the good ones,” Jay said, deciding that was neutral enough. Something flashed in Mike’s eyes, and before Jay could pinpoint what it was Mike leaned in so their lips were almost touching.

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“Is it against the rules to kiss you,” he asked, and Jay shivered for the feeling of Mike’s lips just barely grazing over his own.

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“We’ve already broken so many,” Jay said, and many was stuffed back into his mouth by Mike’s tongue. His lips moved sluggishly against Mike’s hungry ones. Mike still had his hand clamped around Jay’s jaw, trying to push them to keep up. He couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried. He was desperate to come, and it was taking everything out of him. He tried to focus on something else to distract himself from the pain of the pressure in his cock, and distantly he was aware of the music that was still going. It had shifted at some point from corny shit to something else, something orchestral, and he thought he recognized it…

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“Mike?” He said, trying to pull back from Mike’s lips and the vice grip on his jaw. “Mike?”

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“Mhm,” Mike said against his lips, not allowing him to disconnect much.

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“Did you put the _Star Trek IV_ soundtrack on your stripper playlist?”

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He felt Mike’s face start to burn against his own, and he burst out laughing. After a moment Mike started laughing too, crushing Jay against him as he did, and Jay moaned between laughs for how good it felt to have Mike’s naked body shake against him like that. Still laughing Mike stood up suddenly, keeping Jay hugged to his chest and kicking the chair aside. He spun them around and threw Jay onto the bed, dropping down on top of him before Jay had time to settle his mind on what was going on. He was still bouncing against the mattress a little when Mike pressed down to lap at his face, still chuckling softly.

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“This club has good music,” Mike said, licking against Jay’s lips. “Second best thing about this place.” He was crushing Jay into the mattress but Jay didn’t care, wanted to sink into it completely, to be swallowed whole while Mike used him. “Am I allowed to fuck you? Or will security kick me out?”

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“I told you,” Jay said, trying to writhe against Mike’s body as much as he could. He wasn’t making it easy. “I already let you break all the other rules.”

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“Mhm,” Mike said, teasing a finger against Jay’s hole again, this time making him cry out. “Any other customers get this special treatment?”

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“Just…just you.” He licked over his lips and gripped the sheets to stop himself from shoving down onto Mike’s finger. It would hurt without any lube but he didn’t care, wanted it to hurt a little just to feel something outside of his throbbing dick. He heard Mike tear through the drawer in his bedside table to grab for the lube and snorted when he heard the music swell. He opened his mouth to tease Mike about it some more, but it died in his throat as a shout when he felt a wet finger slide into him.

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“You really don’t give any other customer this treatment,” Mike said, fucking his finger in and out of Jay faster than usual. They were both seconds away from coming undone. “So fucking tight. You like that?” He swiped against Jay’s prostate as he asked, making Jay drool for how badly he needed to be fucked. “Hmm? You want something bigger? I bet this is what you love, this is what gets you off, isn’t it? Grinding and humping other customers, telling yourself you’re too good to do anything too naughty, but you spread your legs the second a real man wants you. Is that right?”

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“Y…yeah, M…Mike, I hhh…aaah.” He was fucking himself against Mike’s finger, which had gone still inside him, whimpering and writhing to get Mike to finally put his cock inside him. He’d lost the thread of what they were doing, had no idea if Mike was still playing or if he was interrogating him about his past fucks.

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“You what?” Mike asked. Before Jay could answer Mike jammed another finger inside, causing Jay to mindlessly shout and grab the base of his cock to keep from coming. Mike was now rubbing both fingers in a tight circle around Jay’s prostate, pressing hard and watching Jay’s chest jitter as he tried not to come. He was hanging on by a thread, Mike’s voice and the aching need to feel the fullness of Mike’s cock inside of him the only things keeping him afloat.

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“So tell me,” Mike said, making Jay cry out again with another hard swipe. “How was he?”

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“He…huh? Who?” He was so confused, unable to keep up with what reality he was supposed to be in, and afraid Mike wouldn’t let him come on his dick if he didn’t do exactly what Mike wanted.

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“That fuck at the door,” Mike said, fucking his fingers in more shallowly. “How was he?”

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“The fuck ah…Todd?”

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That was the wrong thing to say. Even through his hooded eyes Jay could see the anger flash in Mike’s eyes as he removed his fingers from Jay’s ass. He put both hands in either side of Jay’s hips, pressing hard as he leaned over him until their faces were only inches apart.

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“ _Todd,_ ” Mike said, his voice dripping with venom and something else Jay couldn’t quiet place. “You let someone named _Todd_ fuck you?”

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“W…what’s wrong with that?” You fuck so many people I can’t keep track of their names. He debated on fighting back with that one, but before he could Mike made him cry out by digging his fingernail into Jay’s nipple.

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“Did he fuck like a Todd?” Mike asked, still sounding pissed. The attention he was giving to Jay’s nipples felt painfully good. Mike was half twisting them, digging a blunt fingernail in after every few twists, and it made Jay feel even more sensitive and lit up. It at least didn’t make him feel as hard as the merciless attention to his prostate had, and his erection was back to a manageable amount of pressure. Or so he thought, until Mike pinched his nipple extra hard, most likely to coax Jay into an answer, and his head fogged up again.

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“I don’t, what…what does that even meannnnghh.” Mike had gone back to shoving his fingers inside Jay, this time starting with two and sliding them right in with no hesitation. Jay felt drool spill out between his lips, and it hurt a little when Mike didn’t lean forward to lick it up like he normally did.

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“It means did he fuck like a dumbass douchebag? Was he a break from your high society fucks?” Mike was snarling a little, his fingers unrelenting. He was starting to spread them and it was making Jay cry out, writhing against it while his body tried to figure out if it wanted to give into what was happening or force Mike’s fingers out. He didn’t know what else he could give Mike and was starting to wonder if Mike even wanted anything outside of finally being able to yell at Jay for fucking people who weren’t him while Jay had no choice but to lie helplessly in Mike’s grip.

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“He…yeah…I mean, no…no one’s as good as you…”

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“Obviously,” Mike said, sneering, and that was when he went for the kill. Jay didn’t know if Mike even knew how sweet a spot he was hitting by hooking his fingers, but it didn’t matter. An explosion of raw pleasure spread throughout Jay’s entire body. He screamed, cupping his dick in a desperate attempt to keep from coming. It worked, somehow, but he almost wished it hadn’t. He loved coming on Mike’s cock, feeling like he earned it for being so good and patient, but the pressure to wait was hurting more than it ever had. His entire body was shaking, and he could feel some tears leaking out of his pinched shut eyes.

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“Stop, Mike, please stop.” He was too gone to keep begging, still limply holding his dick and trying to calm himself.

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He felt Mike snatch his fingers out immediately. He forced his eyes open, still clouded with tears of exertion, and was startled to see the look on Mike’s face. His anger had washed away, replaced with a frightened expression that made Jay nervous. Mike was running his hands along Jay’s sides now, feather light touches that tickled a little and felt too tender and soft, like Jay was some delicate thing that would break on a moment’s notice.

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Mike had gotten like this once before. A year ago, Jay had had a threeway with some guys he’d met at a bar, a miserable experience that left him feeling uncomfortable and awkward in ways he hadn’t felt since he was in his early twenties and constantly overlooked by everyone. He’d gone to Mike’s as soon as it was over, hoping to laugh about it and maybe get some punishment sex to wash away the old insecurities creeping up inside of him.

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Instead Mike had seen right through him, carrying Jay into the bedroom and fucking him with a sad look on his face like he was feeling the shame for both of them. Afterwards when they were cuddling, Jay’s back pressed against Mike’s chest, Jay had tried to laugh it off again, saying Mike must be exhausted trying to put Jay in his place all the time.

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“That’s not true,” Mike had said, his voice sounded so fucked up and broken that a different kind of terror gripped Jay. Despite the horrid experience he’d had earlier that night, he still wasn’t ready to commit completely to Mike or give in to Mike’s coddling.

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“You should just find someone to be monogamous with,” Jay said, trying to sound breezy and failing. “It would make your life a lot easier than whatever bullshit I bring into it.”

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“You really don’t understand,” Mike had murmured into Jay’s skin, and a flame of anger licked through him. It was Mike who didn’t understand. People had always wanted him while Jay had to stand on the sidelines, waiting until he was in his mid-thirties to be desired. Mike could have whoever he wanted, but Jay had only felt like this for Mike, no matter how hard he tried, always fucking it up and being the one to run back into Mike’s arms to deal with the aftermath. He’d turned around to start an argument that had died on his tongue when he saw Mike’s face, which was the same frightened expression he had in the present. He’d felt held in that terrified gaze, like Mike was really going to ask him to stop fooling around once and for all, but nothing had come of it.

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And now they were here, a year later, and Jay had let so much stupid bullshit pile up that he’d had to live through the momentary fear of losing Mike for good. Mike looked like he was about to cry too, and Jay wondered if their expressions were perfectly mirrored, the terror flowing through both of them. He returned Mike’s touches with some of his own, leaning up slightly to stroke Mike’s face. He could feel something shift between them when he did it, some sort of understanding, but he couldn’t focus yet on what that would mean for them.

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“Did I hurt you?” Mike asked when neither of them had moved or spoken for a few minutes, like even the slightest shift would cause them to fall several steps back.

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“No,” Jay said, making his voice soft, fearing it would break if he spoke any louder.

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“Did he hurt you—“

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“Jesus, no. But I don’t want to think about him. I have you, I need you, please, only you.”

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It didn’t take any convincing after that. Mike took his hands from Jay’s sides to lube up his own cock, leaning forward to kiss Jay as he did so. He was still kissing Jay when he lined himself up, dragging over Jay’s hole a few times to get Jay to whimper into his mouth before pushing his tip in ever so slightly.

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“Only me?”

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“Yes, only you, ngh.” Anything else he might have said was cut off by Mike’s brutal inward shove that somehow felt loving.

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“You always feel so fucking good,” Mike said, twitching his hips to give the barest hints of thrusting. “Always, mhmm, always so tight and ready for me.”

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Jay moaned, more spit pooling out of his mouth, and whimpered when Mike leaned down to lick it up, letting Jay slobber over his mouth in the process.

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They stayed like that for awhile, Mike fucking into him in shallow little thrusts while kissing Jay with almost bruising intensity, as if all their worries and angst could be resolved forever if they only kissed hard enough.

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Eventually Mike leaned back, dragging his dick almost completely out in the process. When he had Jay open with only the tip of his cock he put one of his giant hands around Jay’s dick, stroking it so lightly it couldn’t set Jay off even in the state he was in.

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“You need this bad, don’t you?”

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“Yes, Mike, yeah, so bad, please, please let me…”

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Mike silenced his begging with a sharp thrust forward, jerking Jay’s dick at the same time. The combination was overwhelming, and Jay came so hard he arched his back off the bed. He brought his hands to his mouth to muffle himself, but Mike had gripped his back so it would stay arched and was fucking into him so hard now that he let his moans ring out and flopped his arms down. Even with Mike supporting him he barely had the strength to keep his back in that position, and after a few twitches gave up on trying to meet Mike’s thrusting.

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When Mike was getting close he let Jay fall back onto the bed, leaning over him so Jay could feel his breath on his face. Mike’s eyes were so close to his, and with everything else he felt in the moment he was sure they were the warmest things he’d ever seen. He felt himself floating into Mike’s eyes in post orgasmic surrender, letting go and falling into them completely. Even with Mike’s brow pinched in concentration in the effort it was taking to fuck into Jay as hard as he was, they still had that shiny quality that made Jay want to sink in deeper. A distant fear that anyone else had looked into Mike’s eyes like this gripped him, tears threatening to spring out. He blinked them away before they could overflow, but Mike must have noticed anyway, because he came, hard, shoving into Jay as deep as he could. He ducked his head down so his mouth was at Jay’s throat, and Jay almost asked him to sit back up so he could look into his eyes some more, but then he realized Mike was muttering Jay over and over against his skin, and it felt just as good. Mike gave a few more shallow thrusts to empty himself out before flopping down onto Jay bonelessly.

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Normally Jay would have protested, squirming for how uncomfortable it was to have Mike lodged into him when he was still sensitive until Mike got the hint and disconnected, but right now even the overstimulation felt good. He rubbed his hands up and down Mike’s sweaty back, turning his head so he could take in Mike’s post-sex scent. His smell and near crushing weight were so comforting, like a blanket wrapped around him to protect him from the coldness of what he’d almost lost, and Jay felt like he could drift off to sleep with Mike still inside him.

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Eventually Mike sat up, dislodging himself and making a sympathetic noise as his come spilled out of Jay’s ass. He rubbed his thumbs at the corners of Jay’s eyes even though they were dry now.

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“Were you crying?”

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“No,” Jay scoffed, and scowled when Mike smirked at how unconvincing he sounded.

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“Did I go too hard?”

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“No, it was just…your eyes, they…I just liked looking at them.”

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He felt his face burn, and Mike gave him a weird look before lying down and spooning up behind him. He felt Mike press more firmly against his back, and without thinking his body chased the feeling, shimmying to get more of Mike against him.

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“You must have really hated that goddam strip club if you’re acting like this.”

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Jay didn’t want to laugh at that but did, with Mike shortly following. It felt so good to feel Mike’s laugh against his skin, and he pressed back to feel it rumble through him.

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“I told you,” he said when they’d finally calmed down enough to talk. “It was gross. I felt so stupid and awkward, like I was in my fucking twenties again. Or even back in high school, Jesus.”

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“Fuck them,” Mike said. Jay sighed and Mike pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, pulling Jay closer to him with an arm around his chest. They laid like that for a while, letting their breathing fall in sync. The room felt strangely quiet, and Jay realized it was because the music had stopped playing. He’d been so lost in what Mike was doing to him that he had no idea when it had run out. He sort of wished it was still playing, that something could cut through the tension still hanging in the air. All they had was the glow of Jay’s TV, which only made the room feel eerie. Without even seeing Mike’s face he could tell Mike wanted to say something, that they were both waiting to see who would be the first to break the silence so he could.

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“Just say it,” Jay groaned when it was clear Mike wouldn’t break first, as if that was even a doubt.

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“Have you ever danced like that on other guys?” Mike rushed this out, sounding distressed, like Jay had finally allowed a dam to burst and Mike needed to find out the truth now, no matter what, or it would crush him.

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Jay bit back a laugh. “Jesus, no. You think I’d put up with that shit from anyone but you?”

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Mike made a gut-punched noise at that confession. Jay just rolled his eyes, patting Mike’s hands when they squeezed tighter around his pecs.

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“Do I have to kill anyone?” Mike murmured against Jay’s skin. He made a displeased noise when Jay shifted to loosen his grip, but grinned when he saw it was just so Jay could turn to face Mike.

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Jay suppressed a laugh, thinking back to his earlier fear that Mike would murder Todd before storming out of Jay’s life. “No, Mike. Who would you have to kill?”

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“I don’t know! You’re acting all weird like you were that…other time. And I wanted to kill those two fucks but you wouldn’t let me.”

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Jay nipped at Mike’s neck, which made him growl under his breath. “So why would I let you this time?”

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“I don’t know. You seem more willing to give into me tonight.”

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Mike squeezed Jay’s ass and licked at his ear after saying this, as if apologizing for throwing Jay’s extra willing subservience in his face. Jay just gnawed on his lip, debating throwing his heart onto the fire and giving them both what they really wanted.

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He could tell Mike knew he wanted to say something in the way Mike stroked his back, soft and light like Jay would get spooked if he did it any tighter. He pressed more kisses to Jay’s ear, his cheek, leaning back at one point to nip at Jay’s nose. He’d remarked once how he loved how pointy Jay’s nose was, “like a perfect triangle”, and that it made his face look more sharp and handsome. They were both wasted when he’d said it, but it was obvious whenever Mike grazed his nose that neither of them had forgotten. Everything with them was like that, loudly confessing in a rush once and skirting around it in every interaction thereafter. It was exhausting.

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Jay squirmed closer to Mike, seeking his warmth like borrowed courage. He wasn’t sure why he was so worried to tell Mike, except that once it was out there he couldn’t take it back. He didn’t want to take it back, not really. It was just the finality of it all, that he’d wasted all this time chasing something that never satisfied him when he could have had what he really wanted all along.

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Then Jay felt Mike’s lips tremble a little when he kissed his ear, and the last of his reservations melted away.

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“I’m not gonna do that anymore,” Jay said, mumbling this into the crook of Mike’s neck, where the sex sweat cooling was especially potent. Normally when he smelled it it flooded him with lust and he would writhe against Mike until they were fucking again. Right now it was just comforting, like a confirmation that the fact he thought it smelled so good was proof that he was doing the right thing for once.

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“Do what,” Mike asked. He sounded sincerely confused rather than trying to goad some love confession out of Jay.

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“Sleep around with other guys. I already told T—that guy it was over, and. I don’t know. It’s not fun or anything. I guess…I’ve seen what’s out there and none of it is as good as you.”

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He hadn’t meant to get so sentimental, but something about being pressed against Mike’s post sex body and the whiplash of emotions that had smacked him around all night made him too tired to resist, sinking his soul into a hazy, blissed out place that made him want to scream how much he loved Mike and beg him to admit the same. Mike made a weird choked off sound that may have been a sob and pulled Jay fully on top of him.

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Jay didn’t get a good enough look at Mike’s face to see if he was actually crying before Mike was licking and kissing every inch of Jay he could reach, squeezing him in a hug so tight that Jay was unable to breathe. He didn’t really mind, letting Mike’s heaving chest reverberate through him and breathe for the two of them.

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“Wait, are you fucking with me?” Mike asked when he’d sat them both up, allowing Jay to look at him. His eyes were wet and red rimmed, and Jay had to look down to keep from laughing or crying himself. He wasn’t sure which would be worse.

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“Of course I’m serious, how fucking evil do you think I am.” He wanted to tease Mike for crying as revenge for that question, but the glare on Mike’s face, as if he was anticipating Jay’s teasing, warned him against it.

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“I know it’s not fair to ask you since you never asked me, but I don’t like…it bothers me when you sleep with other people. So. Like. Do what you want with that information.” Jay focused his eyes on Mike’s chest as he said this, unable to look into Mike’s eyes as he asked this of him. Mike tiled his chin up so he was forced to look into them anyway, and Jay melted again for how deep and bright they were.

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“I won’t,” Mike said, leaning forward to bite at Jay’s lip like that would seal the pact between them. Jays’ dick twitched as he sunk his teeth deeper in. “I actually haven’t uh…all that much. In the past few months. So. Not gonna change much anyway. Not like I really need anyone’s ass around if I have yours.” He squeezed Jay’s ass as he said that, probably trying to get a laugh out of him, but Jay just felt like crying. He’d thought for every one person he fooled around with Mike fucked three more, and the realization that the opposite had been true had a wave of guilt stronger than the ones from earlier coursed through him. He held his breath and scrunched his eyes shut to keep from crying, hiccuping in the process.

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“Oh fuck, Jay what…what happened? Are you regretting this already?”

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“No you asshole. I just feel bad.”

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“Aww,” Mike was beaming at him, wiping away the tears that were regrettably falling despite Jay’s best efforts. “Don’t be. Not like I was celibate until I had you.”

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Jay glared at him for that one, and Mike’s face tinged pink with regret.

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“Maybe we should just stop talking for a while.”

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“Fine by me,” Jay said, and then Mike was on him again, sucking the air out of his lungs and pushing him onto his back.

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After their second round of sex they were both exhausted, barely left with enough energy to drag themselves up to the pillows and under the covers. Jay had whined that he wanted to change the pillowcases before they did since their feet had been resting on them, and laughed when Mike told him to shut the fuck up.

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“D’ya wanna watch something before bed?” Jay asked when he realized the light from his TV was still shining, yawning heavily as he did.

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“Nah,” Mike said, grabbing the remote from Jay’s bedside table and shutting it off. “Wanna listen to music?”

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“No,” Jay said, smiling against Mike’s chest. Mike had wrapped himself around Jay under the blanket and it was the coziest he’d ever felt. “I’ve listened to enough for one night.”

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“You know, I was gonna put something from The Witch on the playlist, but I was afraid you’d pop a boner so hard you’d be unable to move once you heard it.”

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“Haha,” Jay said flatly, yanking on a patch of Mike’s chest hair. He actually had found it kind of funny. “I thought we were done talking for a while.”

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“Mmkay,” Mike said, and Jay couldn’t stop the stupid grin that broke out onto his face when he felt Mike press a smile to the top of his head. “I’ll just grill you about your past relationships and when we can get married in the morning.”

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“Looking forward to it. You’d better make me breakfast if that’s your plan.”

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“Aw, like you’d eat any of my unhealthy breakfast meals.”

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“You don’t know what I’m willing to eat.” Jay pressed his grin deeper into Mike’s chest when that got Mike to snort in surprise. “Seriously, Mike, I wanna sleep.”

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“Alright, alright. Jesus. Thought you’d wanna stay up all night just talking and looking at each other.”

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“Yup, that’s what I’m into, you got me.”

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Mike bit the top of Jay’s ear and kissed his head one more time before settling in, still wrapped around Jay. For all his talk about wanting to stay up all night, he was asleep before Jay was, breathing evenly with his warm breath tickling Jay’s face. Jay sighed happily and pressed himself to Mike more firmly when Mike’s arms went slack around him. He snorted to himself at how different the night had turned out from what he’d feared. He let relief course through him fully for the first time that night, letting it and Mike’s breathing carry him off to sleep. In the morning he would probably wake up with a hangover and some embarrassment at how open he’d gotten, but he knew he’d take a million hangovers and a million embarrassing confessions if it meant he could fall asleep like this every night from now on, encircled in Mike’s arms after he’d been stripped away of his insecurities, finally able to sink into the feeling of being in love.

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End file.
